


Lollipop Pizzaria

by MikaGesshoku



Category: Five Nights at Freddy's, Lollipop Chainsaw
Genre: Author tends to ramble, Character death may not apply, Gen, The Author Regrets Nothing, This fic takes nothing seriously, crackfic, depends on how you see things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-12-07 05:10:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18230345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikaGesshoku/pseuds/MikaGesshoku
Summary: Juliet gets a new job, things don't go the way you would expect from Freddy Fazbears.





	Lollipop Pizzaria

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rookiek13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rookiek13/gifts).



> This fic is pure crack that spawned from a challenge. It also completely ignores FNAF 3. Also written mostly as headcannons because that seems to be the only way I can write nowadays.

1\. It's Nick that initially got the job.

Initially Nick got the job at the new kiddie place in town to pay for his dates with Juliet. He lasted all of one night before quitting on account of the murderous animatronics. Murderous robots aren't what Juliet normally hunted but she was actually pretty intrigued by what she managed to dig up on the company when Nick first told her about it, and things had been pretty tame since they defeated Swann and the Dark Purveyors. It was surprisingly easy for her to get Nick's old job as a night security guard, though the company did seem a little leery of letting her handle things on her own until her father stepped in. Nick was not impressed that she seemed entirely too perky about working at a place where you have to sign a waiver, or that she found the animatronics that so terrified him adorable.

2\. The first night is surprisingly boring.

While the animatronics moving around on their own and coming towards her was a little creepy Juliet had seen far worse zombie hunting. Nick was just blowing things out of proportion she supposed. It was a bit of a juggling act keeping track of where all the robots were and how much power she had but Juliet was able to muddle through. Although if Juliet was being honest with herself it seemed like the animatronics were a bit confused by her. There were a couple of instances where she had failed to notice Bonnie in the hallway and wouldn't have gotten the door closed in time if he hadn't paused before coming in. 

3\. She goes into night two a little better prepared.

Night two goes a little more smoothly for the bubbly blonde, thanks largely in part to her doing a bit more research into Freddy's before coming in. After finding out about the two previous biting incidents and the missing children debacle it wasn't hard for her to see that the animatronics were possessed in some way. When she considered that the news reports she found implied that an employee was responsible for the missing kids it was a little clearer why she was throwing the ghosts off their game a bit. 

To her the answer was obvious, start talking to the animatronics. Clearly the ghosts were associating the night guards with the person who killed them and since Juliet was the only female night guard, at least that she had found mention of, they were responding to her a little differently.

4\. Night three is where things get weird.

She was probably due for some weirdness, given that the first two nights were so quiet. She was used to hunting down invading zombies animatronics that walked around and tried to get in the room with her was fairly tame. Juliet wasn't even that worried if they did manage to get in, she was pretty sure she was agile enough to avoid being grabbed and stuffed in the suit, and if it really came down to it she always had her trusty chainsaw with her. The third night started much the same as the first two, however as she was flipping through the cameras she noticed that one of the posters had changed to a creepy recolor of Freddy. When she lowered the camera for a moment the golden bear was there in the office with her. Juliet won't be ashamed to admit it, she screamed when she saw it at first.

He didn't try to attack her, but then again after looking closely Juliet doubted that he could even move properly. He didn't seem to have an endoskeleton and was really just kind of creepy and ghost like, a fact that wasn't helped by the fact that Juliet could swear she could hear a child's giggle when she got close to him. Thankfully the bear didn't appear until just before the end of her shift so even with her being distracted by examining him she wasn't caught by the others.

5\. Night four brings an unexpected change.

Juliet's not sure what prompted her to try but on night four she decided to test if the animatronics were actually possessed or if what the phone guy had said about them just seeing night guards as a naked endoskeleton was true. Realistically Chica would be her best bet, as there was only one missing female so she wouldn't have to guess about which of the spirits was possessing her. Thankfully there was a lull in the activity where Chica was the only animatronic to attempt to come in the office, the perfect time to test her theory. 

To Juliet's shock the animatronic actually responded to her, so she began to ask questions about what really happened and why the animatronics kept attacking the night guards. By the end of the night Juliet wound up in the main dining room with all four of the main animatronics talking about what she had been able to dig up about the company and learning about what had happened to the children that now possessed them. 

She discovered that they attacked the guards to get revenge on the man who had harmed them, and that the fact that she was the first obviously different guard had confused them that first two nights. It was the fact that she continued to come back and talk to them, while still playing within the rules of their little hunting game, that made them willing to not attack her when she reached out. She also learned that there had been more animatronics originally, but that there were three accidents that caused them to be either decommissioned or scrapped. The golden bear suit, whose name was Fredbear, was one of the decommissioned suits and the other one, a golden bunny suit, had been the one the killer used to lure them away to kill them. Juliet swore that she and her family were working on a way to help the animatronics and that until they could pass on she would keep coming back to play with them.

6\. She brings things to an end entirely on reflex.

She was telling the animatronics stories about her zombie hunting escapades in high school when Springtrap managed to get out of the room he was in. Her bosses had warned her that they had unsealed a room in the restaurant because strange smells were beginning to come from it. They hadn't warned her that they found another animatronic in the room, probably because it was very decayed and there was very obviously a dead body in it. 

It was the smell that warned her, you can't hunt zombies professionally for years without being able to immediately recognize the smell of a rotting corpse after all. And Juliet had an ingrained reaction when faced with any sort of zombie. The other animatronics barely had time to react before her trusty bedazzled chainsaw was started and coming down on the rotting machine. She swung twice more for good measure, deciding to treat the hostile animatronic like one of the Dark Purveyors and assume that it wasn't going to go down in one slice like a normal zombie, which had the added effect of creating the sparkles and rainbow effect that she normally only got by killing large groups of zombies.

Freddy responded first with a question that Nick had also asked her once upon a time, “Juliet, where did the sparkles and rainbows come from?”

“From Awesome!”


End file.
